Saturday, December 26, 2009

What are you doing New Year's Eve??????

This seems to be the question I've been asked by nearly every man I'm talking to. Whether they are old friends or new acquaintances, the question is the same, "What are you doing New Year's Eve?

Since I don't want to appear too eager for a date, and since I really don't care one way or another, I tell them I have a few options; I'm either babysitting or going to a party.

Now, I'm not really lying because my son usually has a party and I'm sure I could crash it. I also have two grand daughters and I'm sure I could babysit them. I just don't want to commit to anything right now since I'm really hoping to spend that evening with the man I'm casually dating. However, he's in the hospital right now with pneumonia, so it's looking rather doubtful.

I don't know why, but my inbox has been pretty busy lately with new emails from interested men. I don't know if there is a panic the closer it gets to the end of the year or if it's just that I'm looking cute (which is what I'd like to think) but the men are coming out of the woodwork.

Earlier in this dating game, I would have been flattered with all the attention, but now I'm just getting tired of it. I don't know what it's so hard to find a good match, but it is. I have to have the right amount of chemistry, I have to laugh a lot with the person, and I have to be able to have a good conversation and an easiness about myself with them.

With all of the sudden interest in me, I figure it must be due to the holidays. No one must want to be alone. I don't know why, but I'm fine with it. It's all overwhelming to me, so a few days of peaceful tv watching and a little visit here and there is perfect. If I end up spending New Year's alone, it won't be the first time and I'm sure it won't be the last.

The holidays are almost over, so I might as well enjoy the rush of interest while I can. The future may bring a dry spell for me. But then again, there's always Valentine's day!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Dating someone with a disability

I've recently started to date someone whom I'm very fond of who has a disability. It's the kind of disability that will progress until he is confined to a wheelchair.

I certainly did not go looking for someone who is disabled. I wasn't really aware of his disability while we chatted on line. I knew I was attracted to him and really wanted to meet him. On our first coffee date he told me that he had Ataxia. Ataxia is a brain disease of the cerebellum. Much like other, better-known diseases of the nervous system such as Parkinson's, Alzheimer's, and Lou Gehrig's disease, it progressively impacts and then consumes the functions of the affected region of the brain.

As I listened to this 6'4", 275 pound man explain ataxia to me, I felt some hesitation in wanting to know him more. But by the end of the night, after laughing at his crazy jokes and looking into his sparkling blue eyes, I knew we had a connection and I wanted to see him again.

So we have begun dating and it's been exciting and fun. We make each other laugh; he's extremely sensitive and romantic. His disability shows itself in his pattern of speech, and his coordination. But that's it. He is smart, romantic, strong and caring.

We've shared some tender moments too. We both experienced the death of a loved one through cancer. When we've exchanged stories of the pain and suffering our dear ones experienced, we both cried and held hands.

The two of us enjoy each other's company and, although we are not exclusive, we see each other a lot. I think it is probably best if we continue to date other people for awhile. I know it will keep me grounded if I do. He is afraid of the future himself. He doesn't want to burden his partner with the inevitable.

I've found out that I'm a "live for the moment" type of woman. I realized this many years ago after we buried my father, who died at 57. He always worried about the future, what would it bring and where would it lead.

So, I don't really regard the future too much. Other than trying to better myself mentally, physically and financially, I don't fret about things I have no control over. So I've decided to enjoy the journey with this man I'm dating. We may tire of each other next week or still be together in a year.

Friends and family ask why I would get involved with someone disabled. I reply that we all have some kind of disability in one form or another. I explained that it would be shallow of me to think that this person isn't worth dating because he has Ataxia.

Each moment I've spent with this man has been a positive and uplifting experience. He may have difficulty picking up a quarter and he swaggers when he walks, but I've gained so much in such a short time from knowing him.

He has a joyful attitude towards life, a determination to remain strong, and a passion about good health. He's motivated me to work harder on myself, because if this man, with such a grave disability, can laugh and smile each day, there are no excuses for me.

The purpose of this blog was for me to share my dating experiences at a stage in my life where I'm closing in on the senior days. I'm 54 years old and unless I meet Hercules, the men I date are going to have challenges in one form or another.

If they can accept my challenges, then I can accept theirs.

~ Disability is a matter of perception. If you can do just one thing well, you're needed by someone.
Martina Navratilova

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Am I getting too picky in my old age?

The fact that I haven't posted in a month doesn't mean my dating experiences have come to a screeching halt. It's just the contrary, in fact. I've been going out so much I haven't had time to blog.

First things first. Don't be jealous. Each date I go on is an adventure in confusion, excitement, doubt, anticipation, frustration, hope and disappointment. Not necessarily in that order, except the end, disappointment. I would much rather have a significant other to love and cherish me. But, until that happens, I need to keep fishing in this sea of men.

There is something I've discovered about myself though that interests me. I think I'm getting fussier as I get older. I used to joke that my criteria for finding a man was to be clean, have a job and have all his teeth.

But I've broadened that criteria a bit. For instance, I can't tolerate smoking. I don't want to be around someone who lights up a cigarette, pipe or pot. I also don't want to date someone who abuses alcohol. A few drinks is fine, but I don't want to watch the transformation of a sober man into a drunk. I refuse to.

I don't care too much for ignorance either. The type of ignorance I'm speaking of is not if he's book smart or schooled (bonus) but if he is ignorant about life, people, cultures, etc. Someone whom I'm dating and am attracted to has shown his bigoted side. This really bothers me. Another man uses the most politically incorrect terminology to describe ethnic food and people that I think I'm out on a date with Archie Bunker.

I can't handle liars or braggers. If a man spends 1/2 hour talking about how many watches he owns and how much each one costs, then he is too superficial for me.

A lot of men my age ride Harleys, which I have no intention of climbing on, so that eliminates about 50% of the population of single men.

If I'm out with a man, he needs to focus his attention on me. Checking out other women and making little comments shows me how little he respects me. When that happens, I can feel myself turning into ice.

I've also found that I want someone who just wants me and that's where this task becomes difficult. Sometimes I click with a man and he clicks with me, but it's never enough for the two of us. Due to the bounty of single people on line, I believe that we all are looking for something better to appear. So even if we find someone we like and get along with, sometimes it's not enough.

I know I can't have someone in my life just to have someone in my life. It's got to be deeper, more meaningful and lasting. I'd rather be alone or just continue this dating game. As I've said before, I'm not ready to turn into the crazy cat lady just yet. I do have hope that I'll find the man that's good for me.

Notice how I did not say the perfect man. He doesn't exist, nor does the perfect woman. I understand that completely and so I don't really care about looks as much as I do about personality. If he drives an older car, I don't care. His profession doesn't matter to me either, as long as he supports himself. He needs to be honest, funny, and romantic. His hands need to be clean and he has to smell good.

As for the teeth, he has to have at least most of them.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Can you really be friends with an ex?

I had to learn the hard way this past week that even though it seems mature and civilized to stay friends with an ex, it really takes time and lots of healing to get there. At least for me it does.

I recently had dinner with my ex. We broke up 6 months ago, and although I've been doing fine, when I see him, it stirs up old memories and feelings and I end up being confused and hurt.

With all the things there are to talk about, he brought up the topic of who he was dating, telling me about her income and that he enjoyed being with her. This stung me and I tried to play it off casually and mentioned someone I was talking to. I tried to be mature and smile and be happy for him, but it was impossible. I had an overwhelming feeling of sadness and I got a little choked up. He too seemed a little emotional and I took it as feelings that he still cared.

All in all the dinner was enjoyable and we had a nice time, but I left confused. Later I sent him an email asking if there was a way we could work it out, and although I know that feeling stemmed from my sadness, and it's probably the best that we are apart. When I'm feeling emotionally strong, I'm fine with the break up. But, it is obviously too early to start hanging out and trading dating stories.

My ex mentioned that although it was difficult, there was no going back and that we needed to move on. He thought it would be possible to remain friends, but not if I couldn't move on. His reasons were selfish he said.

I think what is most selfish is when someone doesn't want to entirely give up someone, yet they don't want to pursue them either. He told me he always wanted me in his life. But as a friend.

So what's the point? To trade stories of who we are seeing? To mourn the passing of our relationship? If a person has a soft spot in their heart for me, but they don't want to work hard enough to make it work, what is the point? I don't need a long list of ex lovers as friends. It has rarely worked for me.

Maybe in the future, when I've gone completely crazy for someone else, I could be friends with my ex. But, then, maybe my new love wouldn't see the point in it either.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

It's a small world

How small the world is was never so apparent to me till just a few days ago.

About a month or 6 weeks ago, a young man started to write to me from the dating site I'm on.

His first email began, "Hi, What's shaking?"

I laughed when I read it then proceeded to his profile to see who is was. He had more pictures than information, but I found out he was 28 years old. He was cute, intense, and serious. His hair was dark and shaggy. In no picture did he smile. His profession stated RX.

At first I intended on ignoring the email. But, looking for fodder for my blog, I replied. Thus began some quirky on-line correspondence. The first thing I told this "boy" was that I was 54 years old. I informed him that he was older than my youngest, but that I had two children older than him.

He told me he didn't care. He said I was interesting, intriguing and beautiful. Ok, so I fell for it. Who wouldn't want to hear it, especially from a young man. After a few weeks of emailing and on-line chatting, my young admirer asked me to call him. (to make this easier, I'm going to call him B***** B***** or BB for short. Maybe it was boredom, maybe curiosity that made me dial his number. BB answered in a soft, shy voice. Several times during our on-line chats I questioned him about his interest in me. I asked him if he and his friends were playing a joke on me. I told him I was old and overweight, but he reminded me that he thought I was gorgeous.

Once a week BB called me and quietly talked to me. He tried to talk romantically to me and sometimes awkward innuendos will slip from his lips. It's very cute and more entertaining than tv. I'm always straight with him and I try to draw it out of him, why he would waste his time talking to me, but he insists he likes me. A few times he sweetly told me that he thinks about me all of the time and that he felt like he was falling in love. In my straightforward manner, I told him he couldn't possibly fall in love with a stranger, especially one that could be as old as his mom. Maybe he's anti social, maybe he's bored too, but no one is hurting in this situation and I guarantee nothing will come of it.

BB and I spoke last Sunday, and on Monday I went to the Dr. for some swelling and weight gain that was probably due to menopause. She wrote me a prescription and I headed off to my local discount store to get it filled. It's where I get a few other prescriptions taken care of.

As I walked up to the counter, I saw two men standing behind the counter and one looked oddly familiar to me.

"He must have waited on me," I thought to myself. In fact, I know that he had helped me before, but this recognition felt different.

I suddenly thought of BB. Then I remembered RX on his profile.

"There's no way, " I whispered.

Luckily, the other pharmacist decided to help me. BB glanced over at me and our eyes locked for a second. Then he turned and continued counting pills or whatever it was he was doing.

There's a partition by the counter that separates pick up and drop off, so I stood close to the partition, blocking my view. I still wasn't sure if it was BB but I wasn't going to take any chances. It was all too weird for me. Maybe he would think I was stalking him. Maybe he would be embarrassed. I know I was embarrassed. If this guy had been fantasizing that I was some hot, sexy cougar, I just blew his fantasy out of the water. Even though he'd seen my pictures on my profile, my look on this day was swollen, menopausal grandmother.

I looked over at the wall while the man who was waiting on me gathered some information from me. When he asked me my name, I barely whispered it. My heart was pounding in my chest and I wanted to just grab the prescription and dash out of the store. But instead, I kept myself close to the partition. I then noticed on the wall to my right, the names of the pharmacists and their degrees. There, beneath them all, was a large certificate with the words, Pharmacist Technician, B*****B*****.

As soon as I could, I flew out of that store as fast as my bad knees could take me. A few days later BB called me and I realized he was totally unaware that I had seen him and vice versa.

"I wish I could meet you, " he whispered.

Little does he know that we've already met.

Now I'm off to take my medication, rub ben gay on my knees, dye my white roots, and apply anti aging cream to my wrinkles.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Dancing Grannies and Gramps

Saturday nights can sometimes be the worst night when you are single. At least, for me they are.

It's not that I mind staying home, or being alone, it's just that I sometimes get bored and I want to be around people. Especially people my own age.

On Saturday morning I surfed around the internet and found that a single's dance was happening in Redford that evening. I've been to this dance in the past and figured I'd check it out, maybe dance, and maybe meet some new friends.

I started getting ready at around 7 by taking a shower, blow drying my hair and putting on my makeup. I then squeezed into a one size too small pair of dress pants. I slipped on about 5 different shirts before I found one that I really felt good in. Then, to make sure I looked nice, I took some pictures of myself with the timer on the camera. (I have no full length mirror.) As soon as I saw the first picture, I went into the bedroom and changed into a different pair of pants, and a new shirt and jacket.

The dance started at 8 so I left my house at 8:10 since I was only 10 minutes away.

The parking lot seemed full as I approached the hall and I was optimistic that I might have some fun.

It is very difficult to walk into a single's event by myself so I sat in my car for a few minutes and talked to myself, spewing out some affirmations. I sounded like Stuart Smalley from Saturday Night Live who used to say I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me!.

Only my affirmation was, "Some people are fatter than you, some are thinner, some are uglier, some are prettier. Just go in and have fun. Screw em!"

That is probably the saddest, least affirming statements I could say, but it helped me muster up the courage to walk into the doors.

What I saw as I paid my $10 was a sad group of people, sitting in a brightly lit church gym, watching free dance lessons being held on the dance floor.

Ugh. It was the worst ambiance I've ever seen for a dance. I found a table close to the dance floor. This wasn't difficult as most of the seats were empty. I then watched the dance lessons and pretended to text someone on my phone.

I tried not too look around the room too much, but I was interested in seeing what was there.
Even though I'm 54, I'm sure I was the youngest woman there. I also decided I was one of the cutest. Still, it wouldn't matter, as most of the men there reminded me of my late father-in-law who died at the age of 94.

Sometimes it is hard for me to realize that I'm almost ready to start asking for a senior discount. Next year, I can move into a senior center if I want. But, right now I'm still feeling young. Last year I went to see The Cure. I like Pearl Jam, Foo Fighters and Linkin Park. I own a pair of black and hot pink tennis shoes and I like cotton candy flavored bubble gum. Most of my friends are under the age of 38 and they forget that I'm 54 (except when I complain about my knees or my wrinkles.) Thirty year old men send me emails asking me if I like younger men and I flirt back with them, telling them that I do. If I don't know a popular term I look it up in the urban dictionary and I know how to text.

Yet, here I was at a dance and the most current song the dj played was "Boogie Wonderland" by Earth Wind and Fire. I suffered through song after song waiting for something current, but when I heard him play, "The last Farewell" by Roger Whittaker, I gave up all hope of hearing anything I liked.

I hate to be cynical, but just because we listened to "Shout" when we were kids doesn't mean we have to relive it when we are in our 50s. There's been a million good songs written since, but I guess the DJ was stuck in a time warp himself.

I was just thinking about leaving when the song "Lady in Red" came on. Even though I dislike this song, someone tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I wanted to dance. His name was Paul and he was 41 with long black hair. He was a little chubby and wore classes but he was cute and HE was the youngest one there. I danced with him several times during the next hour.

A short little man with glasses asked me to dance after Paul. He kept telling me how beautiful I was and how good I smelled. When he started to paw me on the dance floor, I told him that maybe he needed to find someone else to dance with. Later, he asked if he could sit with me. I told him for a minute. He sat down and started to ask me a lot of questions.

"Where do you live?"

"Do you live alone?"

"Why are you divorced?"

"Where are your x husbands?"

"Is your x husband healthy?"

Finally, I blurted out, "are you writing a book? What is this, an interview?"

He looked a little defeated, wished me a good night and slithered off to find another woman.

Earlier in the evening, a woman sat across from me and we chatted in between dances, even exchanging phone numbers in case we ever wanted to meet at another dance and walk in together. She was a tiny size 2 and danced all night long, but confided in me that she had never been married, never lived with anyone and had never had children. She said she was about ready to give up on finding someone. I quickly told her to NEVER give up. I told her she was cute, attractive and funny and that someone was out there, but probably not at this dance.
At around 10, she thanked me for being so kind, slipped on her tiny leather jacket over her tiny black dress and went to her car. She had seen enough.

I sat alone at the table for a few minutes then gathered up my purse and keys, waved goodbye to Paul and got home in time to watch a cheesy horror movie. That is what I probably should have done in the first place. I'm guess I'm just not ready for the over 50 dances yet. At least not for a few more years.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Worst Date Ever

I thought it would be fun to see hear about the worst date you've ever had.

To get the ball rolling, I will share the worst date I've ever had.

I met "Bob" (yes another Bob) on yahoo personals. He sounded like a nice man, yet he did not have a picture. As I've said before, in this day and age, with digital cameras and quick processing from Walmart and CVS, everyone should have a decent current picture of themselves. So, the first clue in online dating that your date may be different looking is if they don't have a picture on their profile and they can't send you one privately. I have to admit, that it was the first "online" date I ever had, and didn't think it was that big of a deal. Never again would I meet someone without seeing a photo first.

Another big mistake I made was that I allowed this man to pick me up at my house. I had talked to him so many times on the phone that he sounded trustworthy, so I agreed that he could pick me up.

When he arrived, I met him on the porch and approached his car. He wasn't getting in my house! He was driving an old truck and when I crawled into the front seat I was disgusted to see that the car was covered in dog hair. It was everywhere, clinging to the mirrors, the seats, the windows and floor. If I would have had allergies I'm sure I would died in that truck. I knew from that instant that I wouldn't go out with this man again, because of the dog hair. (Unless he vacuumed it first.)

After I got over the shock of seeing the dog hair, I really got a good look at his face. He had a full, unkempt beard, which I do not like. He told me over the phone he had a slight beard. I don't know what he think slight means, but he looked like grizzly Adams. He had a shiny bald head and big wild eyes. The eyes are what I remember the best. He would look at me sideways and his eyes were crazed looking. Yet, he was polite, so I didn't have much fear. I just wanted to get the date over with, and it had just started!

As we drove along, Bob made a few sexual innuendos which I ignored. He also implied that we were already a couple, which caused me to blurt out, "Hey, this is our first date,,slow down!"

Bob took me to his favorite restaurant; a polish place about 30 minutes away. Polish. Yes, Polish. Kielbasa & Cabbage are not the kinds of foods that one usually eats on a first date, but the choices were limited, so I indulged. Needless to say, Polish food tastes great but it doesn't get along with my digestive system. Did I mention that the restaurant was 30 minutes away?
After dinner I asked Bob to stop at a gas station because I had to use the facilities; not once, but twice did I need to stop.

Even though I was ready to get home as soon as possible, Bob didn't want the date to end, so he suggested that we should go on a walk. I agreed and he headed the truck over to Henry Ford Estate in Dearborn. The home was closed for repairs but the wooded grounds were open for touring. However, it was just before dusk and there wasn't another car in the parking lot. We both got out of the truck and started to walk towards the pathway, but I had a feeling of dread come over me. Maybe I've read one too many horror stories, but I didn't feel comfortable walking in the woods with this man.

I took a few more steps towards the walkway then stopped suddenly. Being the quick thinker that I am, I held onto my stomach and looked at him.

"You have to take me home," I said.

"Huh?" he asked, with a dumbfounded look.

"Yes, I feel sick and need to go home." I moaned. I'm not a great actress but he fell for it.

"Ok," he said, "we can come back here some other time."

I hoped into the truck and continued to rub my stomach and make little sounds of discomfort as he sped me towards home.

The truck had barely rolled to a stop as I jumped out.

"Thanks for the nice time, " I said over my shoulder as I dashed for the door.

"Can I come in for a cup of coffee?" he asked pathetically.

"Oh, no, not on a first date, " I said.

I entered my house and locked the door behind me as fast as I could. With in seconds, my phone rang.

It was Bob.

"Would you like to go on a second date?" he asked.

"We'll see, " I said.

"The date can start in 5 minutes, I'm still outside, " he remarked.

I double checked the lock on the door and told him I still was feeling sick. He apologized and said he would call again.

Later that night when he called, I didn't answer. The next day I ignored the phone again. I felt horrible about it, but I didn't know how to tell him this wasn't a match for me.

I then started to get emails that sang my praises. I was an angel. He couldn't believe I would date someone like him. He couldn't wait to see me again.

Finally, I sent him a reply telling him that he was a sweet man, but that I didn't see it going anywhere.

I never heard from him again.

So, what did I learn from this experience?

  1. Never go on a date with someone who doesn't send a picture.
  2. Never let a stranger pick me up at my home.
  3. Never let a stranger take me for a walk in the woods.
  4. Never eat Polish food on a first date...(or second, third, fourth or fifth)
Have any worst date ever stories you would like to share? Send me an email or leave a comment. I would love to hear them!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Over the phone chemistry

About a month ago I was contacted by a guy named Bob from a dating site I'm on. He had a nice profile..holding hands, flea markets, window shopping and cooking meals together. It was brief, but I liked it. He didn't smoke or drink or jump out of planes. My kind of guy!

We started to chat and found out we had a LOT in common. He loved old movies, especially horror and science fiction. He got so happy on one of our chats that he asked if he could call me. So I agreed.

Our phone conversations consisted of swapping stories about our favorite movies, restaurants and books. We seemed to really have chemistry over the phone. He started texting me daily. "I miss you * I'm thinking about you * I like your smile."

It was fun getting so much attention from him. He started making plans for us to spend Mondays together for lunch, have a BBQ at his house and watch his big screen TV.

After a week of phone conversations which ended in him called me babe and sweetheart, we decided to meet.

Like well informed online daters, we decided to meet for coffee at McDonald's.

I arrived first (on purpose) so I could position myself facing the door, ready to smile when he arrived. I was wearing a blue shirt, he was to arrive in a yellow shirt. Several minutes after I arrived I saw a tall man in a yellow shirt walk into the restaurant.

I don't know if the look of disappointment showed, and I feel shallow for saying so, but his online picture was so much nicer looking that the real deal. (readers,,listen and learn..if the profile picture is the size of a postage stamp and is taken from 25 feet away, beware)..

I won't describe in too much detail some of his features, but it was hard to look at him. I know how terrible that sounds, but sometimes the eyes have it, and when you can't look into a person's eyes, you are in trouble. That's what happened to me. I tried to pick out a feature that was pleasant to look at. Since it wasn't his eyes, his nose or his lips, I looked at his smooth complexion. It was the best I could do.

During lunch, Bob did all the talking. I tried to keep up with him, but he was on a roll. Maybe he too was disappointed or maybe just nervous, but he yammered on and on about the variety of restaurants that were close to his office.

The conversation went a little like this...

Bob..."well, I like to go to Big Boy on Wednesday, but sometimes I go to Max and Erma's, although I haven't been there in awhile. On Monday I go to Busch's Market because they have free chocolate chip cookies, so I go in and grab a handful and walk around and eat them, and then as I am leaving I grab another handful. Sometimes, if I feel like Chinese, I go to the Chinese place and then I like to go to Taco Bell. But, then, there's this really good food court in the mall, there's Burger King, and Panera bread, and The Wok shop, and a coney island, and etc, etc. etc......

There was no where for me to jump in and talk. So, I just made little agreeing sounds like, "oh, Wow, Nice."

After lunch he looked at me and said, "so what do you think?"

I wasn't sure what he meant, so he clarified it.."What do you think about us?"

Since I'm a nice person, I answered, "I would like to see you again." (what was I supposed to do, he had just bought me a cheeseburger and fries.)

He walked me to my car and gave me an awkward hug, promising to call me later on.

The next day he called me and gave me a run down of his day, called me babe, and I never heard from him again.

I gave him a "test" one day when I saw him online. I wondered if he would respond to me so I wrote..

"Hi Bob"

He replied..."Hi."

I wrote, "How are you?"

He replied, "fine"

I wrote, "well, have a nice night."

He replied, "Thx"

Funny. He couldn't even spell out the work thanks. That was the end of our correspondence. He never told me why he lost interest. I didn't care one way or the other because I too had lost interest. Maybe he picked that up with my body language. Maybe he wanted me to be more aggressive. I'll never know.

It's one of the great mysteries of online dating. It's the reason I can't let any of it get to me. I take it all with a grain of salt and a smile.

If my date with Bob would have been a match made in heaven, this sure would have been a short lived blog!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Dating a fat chick

On the free site where I have one of my profiles there is an interesting forum that I like to visit.

The forum has categories such as Dating and Love, Dating and Sex, dating over 35, dating over 50, etc. I notice that some men complain that the women on this dating site just post profiles to get an ego boost, that they aren't serious about dating. Men complain that half of the time their emails are read but never answered, or that the women are players. (that's a switch!)

Women complain that men do disappearing acts after a few chats, emails or dates. Other complaints are that people lie, put old pictures on, become stalkers, and are married.

But my favorite posts are the fat chick posts.

Here are some examples...

Yeah its a shallow but i'm not attracted to fat girls so keep the hate to your self! And all I get contacted by are girls of the larger caliber...

Can you help figure this one out? Why does my profile attract fat girls?

Here's another...

Oh, and the BBW dating sites are deceiving. I thought I qualified and tried to sign up, and quickly realized that I was out of my league. I needed a few more cheeseburgers before I fit in.


The biggest political correctness farce is how obese women have started calling themselves BBW - Big Beautiful Woman. Somewhere somehow there grew a myth that there is an entire segment of the male population - purported to be in the number of gazillions - that live their lives in pursuit fat chicks. Urban legend and hogwash. No guy likes an unhealthy chick.

And finally,

Men would you rather date a woman with a Thin body and ugly face or an Overweight woman with a pretty face?? It seems to me that men will date the ugliest woman as long as she has a Barbie doll figure. Whats your opinion? (loved this answer...gotta go with the over weight girl. even if you like skinny girls an over weight girl can loose weight, but an ugly girl is ugly forever. lol :)

Being a large/BBW/fat/chubby/chunky/overweight/full-figured/fat woman myself, these posts intrigue me. Since they are not directed to me personally, but are more of a comment on all the fat people in the world, i don't really care. In fact, I'm so blunt when I start answering emails, it's one of the things I remind them of. "Did you see my picture," "You don't mind dating big girls?"

I'm not going to waste any one's time by lying about my body. I don't tell how much I weigh, because that can mean a lot of things to a lot of people. But, I want to get that out of the way.
I'm currently talking to a man who lives up north. We've hit it off and have great chemistry and a lot in common. After reminding him of my size, he questioned why I felt I was big. I asked him if he ever dated a large women. He said yes, once he dated a girl who weighed about 160 pounds. When he told me that, I almost fell over.

"160 pounds, " I exclaimed,.."If I weighed 160 pounds I would be beating the men off of me with a stick. I would be a hot mama. I would walk around in a bikini. (Hell, I'd walk around naked!)

I told my long distance friend that I'm well over 160 pounds and then had an anxiety attack! I'm going to take some more pictures of myself in a pair of jeans and a shirt, and another in a dressy outfit and mail them to him tomorrow. He has said at this point he doesn't care, but who knows. I'll be able to tell if it bothers him if the phone calls stop coming!

I've been overweight for thirty years, lost 80 pounds, gained, lost, gained. I'm losing again at this point in my life, but I have a long way to go. I guess I'm not going to wait around till I'm perfect to start dating.

I receive a lot of emails each week from men, so apparently they are attracted to me, or else think I'm easy cause I'm large. They are so wrong. There is no desperation here. They can either like me the way I am (and stick around for the weight loss) or they can just hit the skinny highway!

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Flotsam and jetsam

Woman Vs Man

I've only had my personal ad online for about 4 weeks, and although I trying to stay lighthearted about it, it's going to take awhile to sift through the available "fish" that are swimming in the dating pool.

My profile is upbeat, friendly and sincere. I mention the fact that I'm a big girl and I have a picture of me from two years ago where I am about 15 pounds less and one of me now. All of the pictures except one are current and I spent time getting them right! I won't put any old picture on my profile, unlike a lot of people.

I talk about my goals, my hobbies and my personality. I say I want to date and that hopefully, with the right match, it would lead into a long term relationship.

I yammer on and on about my philosophy of life and what I'm looking for, a kind, honest good man.

Yet, the emails I receive make me think that either my account has been hijacked and replaced by a "free sex" ad, or men just look at a picture and don't bother to read the profile.

Here are some examples of some of the emails I've received. Usually it takes the man two emails to get to this point.

  • How sensual are you?
  • Can I service you?
  • Can I send you a picture? (I tell them yes if it's clean. Then they ask when can they send the naked pics.
  • Do I have any naked pics?
  • You either want to get ****** or you don't.
  • You have a sexy mouth
  • I like your chest
  • I like you a lot; can we get married. (???)
There's more, but you get the picture.

I notice there is a pattern also to the men who are looking for sex. I get the most emails on Friday and Saturday night. The men that write on the weekends to me are a lot younger too.
They range in age from 23 up. This was flattering the first few times I was contacted, but now it's annoying. Do young men think that women in their 50s are all cougars? Or do they think we are desperate? Sometimes I think it's a fraternity prank when a young man writes to me. I'm usually a smart ass and tell them I have clothes in my closet older than them.

During the middle of the week is when I get emails from men who seem to be sincere, looking for companionship or a friend. They chit chat about work, restaurants and family. They might send a hug or a kissing smiley face in an email, but they are usually pretty respectful.

But of the several sincere men I've corresponding with, I don't have a connection with any of them yet. At this point, no one intrigues me, fascinates me or makes me want to know them better (except for one nice looking man who lives on the other side of the state) and he is just looking for online friends. I've been on one date so far (although it was more of a meeting than a date). More about that later.

So, it's going to be a long bumpy ride. My skin has thickened already in the past two weeks. I'm glad I'm not taking this too seriously.

If you are reading this and you are married, you might want to give your spouse an extra hug today. The grass on this side of the fence is full of weeds, thorns and grubs.

But, somewhere over here, I'm hoping to find a nice patch of green!

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Why do you want a man?

This is a question that has been asked of me lately. It's usually asked by people who are married and have been so for 20 or 30 years. The conversation usually goes like this....

"So, why do you want to date?" This is asked by the married person. I'll call that person MP

"So I can meet a man and have a nice relationship." Me

"If I were alone, I would really enjoy it." MP

"Well, try being alone most of the time." Me

"If something happened to my husband, I would be a nun and never have sex again." MP. Usually they add the comment that they are so happy they are married.

"Never say never, it's a long time. Besides, I'm not dead." Me

"Do you HAVE to have a man? Can't you just enjoy your life?" MP

"I do enjoy my life. I don't HAVE to have a man. I want a man." Me

"You have girlfriends and family. Can't you just be happy with them?" MP

"Sure and I am happy with them, but they can't give me what a boyfriend can." ME (now I'm starting to get a little irritated and I need to bite my tongue. What I really want to say may offend them.)

Does this sound familiar? These well meaning friends are the same people who only have to roll over in bed and be within two inches of a living, breathing man, yet, I'm supposed to be alone.
Hardly seems fair, does it?

But, it doesn't deter me. Finding a man isn't going to be my life's mission. My life is pretty full. I go to school, I work, I'm an artist, I write. I go places with friends and have lots of interests. If I never meet another man in my life, I'm sure I'll survive. My life, with all of my hobbies and interests, is like an ice cream sundae. A man will be the sprinkles on the top. If we connect and enjoy each other's company and share companionship, then there's the cherry!

I would be lying if I fail to mention that I like being around men. I like the way they smell and the sound of their voices, especially if the voice is deep and clear. I love men who are big and tall, their presence makes me feel more feminine. It's fun to hold hands especially if the hands are clean and strong. Who doesn't like to melt into the strong arms of someone who is keeping you warm or hugging you good night?

Then there is intimacy. Who doesn't love soft whispers and caresses in the dark? There's nothing better than having a loving and exciting sex life! Lover's lane can make all the accessories in the world, but, in my opinion, nothing can replace a man!

So my journey to find a partner begins again. I'll go about this with a sense of humor and adventure and maybe along the way I make new friends and meet a great guy!

Here's a little quote to make you smile...They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.

Where do all the single people play?

Back in the 90s when I was between marriages there were many places to go to meet single people. There were single dances on Wednesday, Friday and Saturday nights.

Wednesday night was the "hump" night dance, an activity to distract us from the work week and give us some kind of hope for the weekend. The Saturday night dance was filled with the "left overs" of folks who couldn't find a date. Those dances were the worst.

My friends and I would go to the Friday night dance where 400 other singles gathered. The hall was spacious, the drinks were cheap and the music was top 40 hits. I learned how to do the Hustle and the cha cha slide and lost 80 pounds cause I loved to dance so much. I have some great memories of those dancing days.

Then I met a man and married him, but as I said , that marriage ended in divorce. So when I was ready to get back out in the dating world I discovered that the dances that once were busy with hundreds of men and women, had lost their appeal. The parking lot that used to use a bus to shuttle people back and forth to the door was dotted with 20 or 30 cars.

What had happened over the years to lead to the demise of the Friday night dances? Where did all the single people my age go? Where was I going to dance?

It didn't take me long to figure out that the Internet had replaced the dances. That's where I met my last boyfriend and that's one of the avenues I'm planning on using to date this time.

When I tell people I have a personal ad their eyebrows usually go up and then I have to hear a lecture on being safe, the Craig's list killer, and the latest horror stories of 13 year olds meeting up with old married men. I then have to spend 10 minutes reassuring them that I'm not stupid.

For some reason people assume if you meet someone online that they come with some type of tainted goods tag yet people meet people in bars, restaurants, school and work all of the time. What makes that type of meeting any safer? I could sit next to a male co-worker for a year and not really know him. I know the rules for internet dating: get to know them, meet in a busy location, tell a friend about the meeting beforehand, and use common sense.

I just recently discovered that the one dating site I belong too has "get togethers". I've signed up for two so far. The first is a hay ride and barn dance. The great thing about is that most of the people are in their 40s and 50s, so I should fit right in. The other activity is a bar night. I might go to it, I'm not sure yet.

There are also "meet ups" that a person can find in their area. People meet up for dinner or the movies. Here's a link to their website. Meet Up Type in your interest and area and if there are meet ups that are similar to that interest you can either join or get on a waiting list.

There are a few single dances left in this area also. I plan on blogging about those in the future.

One of the reasons I have to be so proactive about this adventure is that most of my friends are either younger, married or in a relationship. So, I'm basically alone when it comes to venturing out as a single woman. Even though I'm not afraid to go alone, it would be great to have a female comrade to go along with. Hopefully, I'll be able to meet some single women and make friends with them too.
Although there is something to be said about going it alone. The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready. Henry David Thoreau

Saturday, September 5, 2009

On your mark, get set, Date!

For the past three years I've been writing a creative art blog that chronicles my ideas, art work, motivations, inspirations etc.

I've always read that you should write about what you know, what you are passionate about, and that's just what I've done.

However, I've found myself, at the age of 54, single and back in the dating game. I thought it would be fun to blog about my dating adventures and mishaps. If you are single like me, I hope you can relate. If you are married, be glad and enjoy the stories. I hope to hear dating stories from my readers too. Let's just keep it PG13!

A little bit about me...

I was married for 18 years and when I was 38 my husband fell in love with someone and left me. Simple story, told too many times, and now is ancient history. At the time though, it was an interesting time for me, since I felt like a lamb going to slaughter when I entered the dating arena. I was timid and naive. After a few years though, I remarried at the age of 42.

Ahh, but that was not a happy marriage and once again I found myself divorced at 48. Disgusted at my bad luck in love, I retreated to my house for three years, not dating anyone, not even talking to the opposite sex. I called those years, "the nunnery". Finally, at age 50 I met a nice man and dated him for three years, but alas, that too ended.

So, now at the age of 54 I'm back out in the dating scene, although it's slow...did I mention S..L..O..W..? I am not in any hurry to meet the man of my dreams but I would like to enjoy the journey and, since I know I'm not the only one my age who is going through this, I thought it would be interesting and fun to start this blog.

I will try to be honest, sincere and safe in all of my adventures. I also hope that I can inspire those of you who are a little timid to get out there and date. Trust me, it's like going on a job interview. The job won't come to you, you have to go find it. The more job interviews you go on, the better you are at it.

Why Frumpalicious?

When I thought of all of the different names for this blog, Frumpalicious kept swirling around in my head. Although I'm not entirely frumpy, I'm overweight and far from being a fashion model. I can dress up nicely, but usually it's simple. Black outfits with a bit of cleavage, maybe a simple pair of earrings, etc.

I then saw in the urban dictionary that it is an actual word although it has two definitions. The first is..Someone who is physically frumpy, yet dresses or acts in a way that makes her less frumpy and more appealing. The second definition and fantastic. bonable. screwable. pure sex.

Well, I thought I would combine both definitions into one...Someone who is physically frumpy, yet is sexy and fantastic! Frumpalicious! I love it.