It's a small world

How small the world is was never so apparent to me till just a few days ago.

About a month or 6 weeks ago, a young man started to write to me from the dating site I'm on.

His first email began, "Hi, What's shaking?"

I laughed when I read it then proceeded to his profile to see who is was. He had more pictures than information, but I found out he was 28 years old. He was cute, intense, and serious. His hair was dark and shaggy. In no picture did he smile. His profession stated RX.

At first I intended on ignoring the email. But, looking for fodder for my blog, I replied. Thus began some quirky on-line correspondence. The first thing I told this "boy" was that I was 54 years old. I informed him that he was older than my youngest, but that I had two children older than him.

He told me he didn't care. He said I was interesting, intriguing and beautiful. Ok, so I fell for it. Who wouldn't want to hear it, especially from a young man. After a few weeks of emailing and on-line chatting, my young admirer asked me to call him. (to make this easier, I'm going to call him B***** B***** or BB for short. Maybe it was boredom, maybe curiosity that made me dial his number. BB answered in a soft, shy voice. Several times during our on-line chats I questioned him about his interest in me. I asked him if he and his friends were playing a joke on me. I told him I was old and overweight, but he reminded me that he thought I was gorgeous.

Once a week BB called me and quietly talked to me. He tried to talk romantically to me and sometimes awkward innuendos will slip from his lips. It's very cute and more entertaining than tv. I'm always straight with him and I try to draw it out of him, why he would waste his time talking to me, but he insists he likes me. A few times he sweetly told me that he thinks about me all of the time and that he felt like he was falling in love. In my straightforward manner, I told him he couldn't possibly fall in love with a stranger, especially one that could be as old as his mom. Maybe he's anti social, maybe he's bored too, but no one is hurting in this situation and I guarantee nothing will come of it.

BB and I spoke last Sunday, and on Monday I went to the Dr. for some swelling and weight gain that was probably due to menopause. She wrote me a prescription and I headed off to my local discount store to get it filled. It's where I get a few other prescriptions taken care of.

As I walked up to the counter, I saw two men standing behind the counter and one looked oddly familiar to me.

"He must have waited on me," I thought to myself. In fact, I know that he had helped me before, but this recognition felt different.

I suddenly thought of BB. Then I remembered RX on his profile.

"There's no way, " I whispered.

Luckily, the other pharmacist decided to help me. BB glanced over at me and our eyes locked for a second. Then he turned and continued counting pills or whatever it was he was doing.

There's a partition by the counter that separates pick up and drop off, so I stood close to the partition, blocking my view. I still wasn't sure if it was BB but I wasn't going to take any chances. It was all too weird for me. Maybe he would think I was stalking him. Maybe he would be embarrassed. I know I was embarrassed. If this guy had been fantasizing that I was some hot, sexy cougar, I just blew his fantasy out of the water. Even though he'd seen my pictures on my profile, my look on this day was swollen, menopausal grandmother.

I looked over at the wall while the man who was waiting on me gathered some information from me. When he asked me my name, I barely whispered it. My heart was pounding in my chest and I wanted to just grab the prescription and dash out of the store. But instead, I kept myself close to the partition. I then noticed on the wall to my right, the names of the pharmacists and their degrees. There, beneath them all, was a large certificate with the words, Pharmacist Technician, B*****B*****.

As soon as I could, I flew out of that store as fast as my bad knees could take me. A few days later BB called me and I realized he was totally unaware that I had seen him and vice versa.

"I wish I could meet you, " he whispered.

Little does he know that we've already met.

Now I'm off to take my medication, rub ben gay on my knees, dye my white roots, and apply anti aging cream to my wrinkles.

Dancing Grannies and Gramps

Saturday nights can sometimes be the worst night when you are single. At least, for me they are.

It's not that I mind staying home, or being alone, it's just that I sometimes get bored and I want to be around people. Especially people my own age.

On Saturday morning I surfed around the internet and found that a single's dance was happening in Redford that evening. I've been to this dance in the past and figured I'd check it out, maybe dance, and maybe meet some new friends.

I started getting ready at around 7 by taking a shower, blow drying my hair and putting on my makeup. I then squeezed into a one size too small pair of dress pants. I slipped on about 5 different shirts before I found one that I really felt good in. Then, to make sure I looked nice, I took some pictures of myself with the timer on the camera. (I have no full length mirror.) As soon as I saw the first picture, I went into the bedroom and changed into a different pair of pants, and a new shirt and jacket.

The dance started at 8 so I left my house at 8:10 since I was only 10 minutes away.

The parking lot seemed full as I approached the hall and I was optimistic that I might have some fun.

It is very difficult to walk into a single's event by myself so I sat in my car for a few minutes and talked to myself, spewing out some affirmations. I sounded like Stuart Smalley from Saturday Night Live who used to say I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me!.

Only my affirmation was, "Some people are fatter than you, some are thinner, some are uglier, some are prettier. Just go in and have fun. Screw em!"

That is probably the saddest, least affirming statements I could say, but it helped me muster up the courage to walk into the doors.

What I saw as I paid my $10 was a sad group of people, sitting in a brightly lit church gym, watching free dance lessons being held on the dance floor.

Ugh. It was the worst ambiance I've ever seen for a dance. I found a table close to the dance floor. This wasn't difficult as most of the seats were empty. I then watched the dance lessons and pretended to text someone on my phone.

I tried not too look around the room too much, but I was interested in seeing what was there.
Even though I'm 54, I'm sure I was the youngest woman there. I also decided I was one of the cutest. Still, it wouldn't matter, as most of the men there reminded me of my late father-in-law who died at the age of 94.

Sometimes it is hard for me to realize that I'm almost ready to start asking for a senior discount. Next year, I can move into a senior center if I want. But, right now I'm still feeling young. Last year I went to see The Cure. I like Pearl Jam, Foo Fighters and Linkin Park. I own a pair of black and hot pink tennis shoes and I like cotton candy flavored bubble gum. Most of my friends are under the age of 38 and they forget that I'm 54 (except when I complain about my knees or my wrinkles.) Thirty year old men send me emails asking me if I like younger men and I flirt back with them, telling them that I do. If I don't know a popular term I look it up in the urban dictionary and I know how to text.

Yet, here I was at a dance and the most current song the dj played was "Boogie Wonderland" by Earth Wind and Fire. I suffered through song after song waiting for something current, but when I heard him play, "The last Farewell" by Roger Whittaker, I gave up all hope of hearing anything I liked.

I hate to be cynical, but just because we listened to "Shout" when we were kids doesn't mean we have to relive it when we are in our 50s. There's been a million good songs written since, but I guess the DJ was stuck in a time warp himself.

I was just thinking about leaving when the song "Lady in Red" came on. Even though I dislike this song, someone tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I wanted to dance. His name was Paul and he was 41 with long black hair. He was a little chubby and wore classes but he was cute and HE was the youngest one there. I danced with him several times during the next hour.

A short little man with glasses asked me to dance after Paul. He kept telling me how beautiful I was and how good I smelled. When he started to paw me on the dance floor, I told him that maybe he needed to find someone else to dance with. Later, he asked if he could sit with me. I told him for a minute. He sat down and started to ask me a lot of questions.

"Where do you live?"

"Do you live alone?"

"Why are you divorced?"

"Where are your x husbands?"

"Is your x husband healthy?"

Finally, I blurted out, "are you writing a book? What is this, an interview?"

He looked a little defeated, wished me a good night and slithered off to find another woman.

Earlier in the evening, a woman sat across from me and we chatted in between dances, even exchanging phone numbers in case we ever wanted to meet at another dance and walk in together. She was a tiny size 2 and danced all night long, but confided in me that she had never been married, never lived with anyone and had never had children. She said she was about ready to give up on finding someone. I quickly told her to NEVER give up. I told her she was cute, attractive and funny and that someone was out there, but probably not at this dance.
At around 10, she thanked me for being so kind, slipped on her tiny leather jacket over her tiny black dress and went to her car. She had seen enough.

I sat alone at the table for a few minutes then gathered up my purse and keys, waved goodbye to Paul and got home in time to watch a cheesy horror movie. That is what I probably should have done in the first place. I'm guess I'm just not ready for the over 50 dances yet. At least not for a few more years.

Worst Date Ever

I thought it would be fun to see hear about the worst date you've ever had.

To get the ball rolling, I will share the worst date I've ever had.

I met "Bob" (yes another Bob) on yahoo personals. He sounded like a nice man, yet he did not have a picture. As I've said before, in this day and age, with digital cameras and quick processing from Walmart and CVS, everyone should have a decent current picture of themselves. So, the first clue in online dating that your date may be different looking is if they don't have a picture on their profile and they can't send you one privately. I have to admit, that it was the first "online" date I ever had, and didn't think it was that big of a deal. Never again would I meet someone without seeing a photo first.

Another big mistake I made was that I allowed this man to pick me up at my house. I had talked to him so many times on the phone that he sounded trustworthy, so I agreed that he could pick me up.

When he arrived, I met him on the porch and approached his car. He wasn't getting in my house! He was driving an old truck and when I crawled into the front seat I was disgusted to see that the car was covered in dog hair. It was everywhere, clinging to the mirrors, the seats, the windows and floor. If I would have had allergies I'm sure I would died in that truck. I knew from that instant that I wouldn't go out with this man again, because of the dog hair. (Unless he vacuumed it first.)

After I got over the shock of seeing the dog hair, I really got a good look at his face. He had a full, unkempt beard, which I do not like. He told me over the phone he had a slight beard. I don't know what he think slight means, but he looked like grizzly Adams. He had a shiny bald head and big wild eyes. The eyes are what I remember the best. He would look at me sideways and his eyes were crazed looking. Yet, he was polite, so I didn't have much fear. I just wanted to get the date over with, and it had just started!

As we drove along, Bob made a few sexual innuendos which I ignored. He also implied that we were already a couple, which caused me to blurt out, "Hey, this is our first date,,slow down!"

Bob took me to his favorite restaurant; a polish place about 30 minutes away. Polish. Yes, Polish. Kielbasa & Cabbage are not the kinds of foods that one usually eats on a first date, but the choices were limited, so I indulged. Needless to say, Polish food tastes great but it doesn't get along with my digestive system. Did I mention that the restaurant was 30 minutes away?
After dinner I asked Bob to stop at a gas station because I had to use the facilities; not once, but twice did I need to stop.

Even though I was ready to get home as soon as possible, Bob didn't want the date to end, so he suggested that we should go on a walk. I agreed and he headed the truck over to Henry Ford Estate in Dearborn. The home was closed for repairs but the wooded grounds were open for touring. However, it was just before dusk and there wasn't another car in the parking lot. We both got out of the truck and started to walk towards the pathway, but I had a feeling of dread come over me. Maybe I've read one too many horror stories, but I didn't feel comfortable walking in the woods with this man.

I took a few more steps towards the walkway then stopped suddenly. Being the quick thinker that I am, I held onto my stomach and looked at him.

"You have to take me home," I said.

"Huh?" he asked, with a dumbfounded look.

"Yes, I feel sick and need to go home." I moaned. I'm not a great actress but he fell for it.

"Ok," he said, "we can come back here some other time."

I hoped into the truck and continued to rub my stomach and make little sounds of discomfort as he sped me towards home.

The truck had barely rolled to a stop as I jumped out.

"Thanks for the nice time, " I said over my shoulder as I dashed for the door.

"Can I come in for a cup of coffee?" he asked pathetically.

"Oh, no, not on a first date, " I said.

I entered my house and locked the door behind me as fast as I could. With in seconds, my phone rang.

It was Bob.

"Would you like to go on a second date?" he asked.

"We'll see, " I said.

"The date can start in 5 minutes, I'm still outside, " he remarked.

I double checked the lock on the door and told him I still was feeling sick. He apologized and said he would call again.

Later that night when he called, I didn't answer. The next day I ignored the phone again. I felt horrible about it, but I didn't know how to tell him this wasn't a match for me.

I then started to get emails that sang my praises. I was an angel. He couldn't believe I would date someone like him. He couldn't wait to see me again.

Finally, I sent him a reply telling him that he was a sweet man, but that I didn't see it going anywhere.

I never heard from him again.

So, what did I learn from this experience?

1. Never go on a date with someone who doesn't send a picture.
   
2. Never let a stranger pick me up at my home.
3. Never let a stranger take me for a walk in the woods.
4. Never eat Polish food on a first date...(or second, third, fourth or fifth)

Have any worst date ever stories you would like to share? Send me an email or leave a comment. I would love to hear them!

Over the phone chemistry

About a month ago I was contacted by a guy named Bob from a dating site I'm on. He had a nice profile..holding hands, flea markets, window shopping and cooking meals together. It was brief, but I liked it. He didn't smoke or drink or jump out of planes. My kind of guy!

We started to chat and found out we had a LOT in common. He loved old movies, especially horror and science fiction. He got so happy on one of our chats that he asked if he could call me. So I agreed.

Our phone conversations consisted of swapping stories about our favorite movies, restaurants and books. We seemed to really have chemistry over the phone. He started texting me daily. "I miss you * I'm thinking about you * I like your smile."

It was fun getting so much attention from him. He started making plans for us to spend Mondays together for lunch, have a BBQ at his house and watch his big screen TV.

After a week of phone conversations which ended in him called me babe and sweetheart, we decided to meet.

Like well informed online daters, we decided to meet for coffee at McDonald's.

I arrived first (on purpose) so I could position myself facing the door, ready to smile when he arrived. I was wearing a blue shirt, he was to arrive in a yellow shirt. Several minutes after I arrived I saw a tall man in a yellow shirt walk into the restaurant.

I don't know if the look of disappointment showed, and I feel shallow for saying so, but his online picture was so much nicer looking that the real deal. (readers,,listen and learn..if the profile picture is the size of a postage stamp and is taken from 25 feet away, beware)..

I won't describe in too much detail some of his features, but it was hard to look at him. I know how terrible that sounds, but sometimes the eyes have it, and when you can't look into a person's eyes, you are in trouble. That's what happened to me. I tried to pick out a feature that was pleasant to look at. Since it wasn't his eyes, his nose or his lips, I looked at his smooth complexion. It was the best I could do.

During lunch, Bob did all the talking. I tried to keep up with him, but he was on a roll. Maybe he too was disappointed or maybe just nervous, but he yammered on and on about the variety of restaurants that were close to his office.

The conversation went a little like this...

Bob..."well, I like to go to Big Boy on Wednesday, but sometimes I go to Max and Erma's, although I haven't been there in awhile. On Monday I go to Busch's Market because they have free chocolate chip cookies, so I go in and grab a handful and walk around and eat them, and then as I am leaving I grab another handful. Sometimes, if I feel like Chinese, I go to the Chinese place and then I like to go to Taco Bell. But, then, there's this really good food court in the mall, there's Burger King, and Panera bread, and The Wok shop, and a coney island, and etc, etc. etc......

There was no where for me to jump in and talk. So, I just made little agreeing sounds like, "oh, Wow, Nice."

After lunch he looked at me and said, "so what do you think?"

I wasn't sure what he meant, so he clarified it.."What do you think about us?"

Since I'm a nice person, I answered, "I would like to see you again." (what was I supposed to do, he had just bought me a cheeseburger and fries.)

He walked me to my car and gave me an awkward hug, promising to call me later on.

The next day he called me and gave me a run down of his day, called me babe, and I never heard from him again.

I gave him a "test" one day when I saw him online. I wondered if he would respond to me so I wrote..

"Hi Bob"

He replied..."Hi."

I wrote, "How are you?"

He replied, "fine"

I wrote, "well, have a nice night."

He replied, "Thx"

Funny. He couldn't even spell out the work thanks. That was the end of our correspondence. He never told me why he lost interest. I didn't care one way or the other because I too had lost interest. Maybe he picked that up with my body language. Maybe he wanted me to be more aggressive. I'll never know.

It's one of the great mysteries of online dating. It's the reason I can't let any of it get to me. I take it all with a grain of salt and a smile.

If my date with Bob would have been a match made in heaven, this sure would have been a short lived blog!

Dating a fat chick

On the free site where I have one of my profiles there is an interesting forum that I like to visit.

The forum has categories such as Dating and Love, Dating and Sex, dating over 35, dating over 50, etc. I notice that some men complain that the women on this dating site just post profiles to get an ego boost, that they aren't serious about dating. Men complain that half of the time their emails are read but never answered, or that the women are players. (that's a switch!)

Women complain that men do disappearing acts after a few chats, emails or dates. Other complaints are that people lie, put old pictures on, become stalkers, and are married.

But my favorite posts are the fat chick posts.

Here are some examples...

Yeah its a shallow but i'm not attracted to fat girls so keep the hate to your self! And all I get contacted by are girls of the larger caliber...

Can you help figure this one out? Why does my profile attract fat girls?



Here's another...

Oh, and the BBW dating sites are deceiving. I thought I qualified and tried to sign up, and quickly realized that I was out of my league. I needed a few more cheeseburgers before I fit in.

Another...(geez)

The biggest political correctness farce is how obese women have started calling themselves BBW - Big Beautiful Woman. Somewhere somehow there grew a myth that there is an entire segment of the male population - purported to be in the number of gazillions - that live their lives in pursuit fat chicks. Urban legend and hogwash. No guy likes an unhealthy chick.

And finally,

Men would you rather date a woman with a Thin body and ugly face or an Overweight woman with a pretty face?? It seems to me that men will date the ugliest woman as long as she has a Barbie doll figure. Whats your opinion? (loved this answer...gotta go with the over weight girl. even if you like skinny girls an over weight girl can loose weight, but an ugly girl is ugly forever. lol :)

Being a large/BBW/fat/chubby/chunky/overweight/full-figured/fat woman myself, these posts intrigue me. Since they are not directed to me personally, but are more of a comment on all the fat people in the world, i don't really care. In fact, I'm so blunt when I start answering emails, it's one of the things I remind them of. "Did you see my picture," "You don't mind dating big girls?"

I'm not going to waste any one's time by lying about my body. I don't tell how much I weigh, because that can mean a lot of things to a lot of people. But, I want to get that out of the way.
I'm currently talking to a man who lives up north. We've hit it off and have great chemistry and a lot in common. After reminding him of my size, he questioned why I felt I was big. I asked him if he ever dated a large women. He said yes, once he dated a girl who weighed about 160 pounds. When he told me that, I almost fell over.

"160 pounds, " I exclaimed,.."If I weighed 160 pounds I would be beating the men off of me with a stick. I would be a hot mama. I would walk around in a bikini. (Hell, I'd walk around naked!)

I told my long distance friend that I'm well over 160 pounds and then had an anxiety attack! I'm going to take some more pictures of myself in a pair of jeans and a shirt, and another in a dressy outfit and mail them to him tomorrow. He has said at this point he doesn't care, but who knows. I'll be able to tell if it bothers him if the phone calls stop coming!

I've been overweight for thirty years, lost 80 pounds, gained, lost, gained. I'm losing again at this point in my life, but I have a long way to go. I guess I'm not going to wait around till I'm perfect to start dating.

I receive a lot of emails each week from men, so apparently they are attracted to me, or else think I'm easy cause I'm large. They are so wrong. There is no desperation here. They can either like me the way I am (and stick around for the weight loss) or they can just hit the skinny highway!

Flotsam and jetsam

Graphics

I've only had my personal ad online for about 4 weeks, and although I trying to stay lighthearted about it, it's going to take awhile to sift through the available "fish" that are swimming in the dating pool.

My profile is upbeat, friendly and sincere. I mention the fact that I'm a big girl and I have a picture of me from two years ago where I am about 15 pounds less and one of me now. All of the pictures except one are current and I spent time getting them right! I won't put any old picture on my profile, unlike a lot of people.

I talk about my goals, my hobbies and my personality. I say I want to date and that hopefully, with the right match, it would lead into a long term relationship.

I yammer on and on about my philosophy of life and what I'm looking for, a kind, honest good man.

Yet, the emails I receive make me think that either my account has been hijacked and replaced by a "free sex" ad, or men just look at a picture and don't bother to read the profile.

Here are some examples of some of the emails I've received. Usually it takes the man two emails to get to this point.

• How sensual are you?
• Can I service you?
• Can I send you a picture? (I tell them yes if it's clean. Then they ask when can they send the naked pics.
• Do I have any naked pics?
  
• You either want to get ****** or you don't.
• You have a sexy mouth
• I like your chest
• I like you a lot; can we get married. (???)

There's more, but you get the picture.

I notice there is a pattern also to the men who are looking for sex. I get the most emails on Friday and Saturday night. The men that write on the weekends to me are a lot younger too.
They range in age from 23 up. This was flattering the first few times I was contacted, but now it's annoying. Do young men think that women in their 50s are all cougars? Or do they think we are desperate? Sometimes I think it's a fraternity prank when a young man writes to me. I'm usually a smart ass and tell them I have clothes in my closet older than them.

During the middle of the week is when I get emails from men who seem to be sincere, looking for companionship or a friend. They chit chat about work, restaurants and family. They might send a hug or a kissing smiley face in an email, but they are usually pretty respectful.

But of the several sincere men I've corresponding with, I don't have a connection with any of them yet. At this point, no one intrigues me, fascinates me or makes me want to know them better (except for one nice looking man who lives on the other side of the state) and he is just looking for online friends. I've been on one date so far (although it was more of a meeting than a date). More about that later.

So, it's going to be a long bumpy ride. My skin has thickened already in the past two weeks. I'm glad I'm not taking this too seriously.

If you are reading this and you are married, you might want to give your spouse an extra hug today. The grass on this side of the fence is full of weeds, thorns and grubs.

But, somewhere over here, I'm hoping to find a nice patch of green!

Why do you want a man?

This is a question that has been asked of me lately. It's usually asked by people who are married and have been so for 20 or 30 years. The conversation usually goes like this....

"So, why do you want to date?" This is asked by the married person. I'll call that person MP

"So I can meet a man and have a nice relationship." Me

"If I were alone, I would really enjoy it." MP

"Well, try being alone most of the time." Me

"If something happened to my husband, I would be a nun and never have sex again." MP. Usually they add the comment that they are so happy they are married.

"Never say never, it's a long time. Besides, I'm not dead." Me

"Do you HAVE to have a man? Can't you just enjoy your life?" MP

"I do enjoy my life. I don't HAVE to have a man. I want a man." Me

"You have girlfriends and family. Can't you just be happy with them?" MP

"Sure and I am happy with them, but they can't give me what a boyfriend can." ME (now I'm starting to get a little irritated and I need to bite my tongue. What I really want to say may offend them.)

Does this sound familiar? These well meaning friends are the same people who only have to roll over in bed and be within two inches of a living, breathing man, yet, I'm supposed to be alone.
Hardly seems fair, does it?

But, it doesn't deter me. Finding a man isn't going to be my life's mission. My life is pretty full. I go to school, I work, I'm an artist, I write. I go places with friends and have lots of interests. If I never meet another man in my life, I'm sure I'll survive. My life, with all of my hobbies and interests, is like an ice cream sundae. A man will be the sprinkles on the top. If we connect and enjoy each other's company and share companionship, then there's the cherry!

I would be lying if I fail to mention that I like being around men. I like the way they smell and the sound of their voices, especially if the voice is deep and clear. I love men who are big and tall, their presence makes me feel more feminine. It's fun to hold hands especially if the hands are clean and strong. Who doesn't like to melt into the strong arms of someone who is keeping you warm or hugging you good night?

Then there is intimacy. Who doesn't love soft whispers and caresses in the dark? There's nothing better than having a loving and exciting sex life! Lover's lane can make all the accessories in the world, but, in my opinion, nothing can replace a man!

So my journey to find a partner begins again. I'll go about this with a sense of humor and adventure and maybe along the way I make new friends and meet a great guy!

Here's a little quote to make you smile...“They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.”