It's a small world

How small the world is was never so apparent to me till just a few days ago.

About a month or 6 weeks ago, a young man started to write to me from the dating site I'm on.

His first email began, "Hi, What's shaking?"

I laughed when I read it then proceeded to his profile to see who is was. He had more pictures than information, but I found out he was 28 years old. He was cute, intense, and serious. His hair was dark and shaggy. In no picture did he smile. His profession stated RX.

At first I intended on ignoring the email. But, looking for fodder for my blog, I replied. Thus began some quirky on-line correspondence. The first thing I told this "boy" was that I was 54 years old. I informed him that he was older than my youngest, but that I had two children older than him.

He told me he didn't care. He said I was interesting, intriguing and beautiful. Ok, so I fell for it. Who wouldn't want to hear it, especially from a young man. After a few weeks of emailing and on-line chatting, my young admirer asked me to call him. (to make this easier, I'm going to call him B***** B***** or BB for short. Maybe it was boredom, maybe curiosity that made me dial his number. BB answered in a soft, shy voice. Several times during our on-line chats I questioned him about his interest in me. I asked him if he and his friends were playing a joke on me. I told him I was old and overweight, but he reminded me that he thought I was gorgeous.

Once a week BB called me and quietly talked to me. He tried to talk romantically to me and sometimes awkward innuendos will slip from his lips. It's very cute and more entertaining than tv. I'm always straight with him and I try to draw it out of him, why he would waste his time talking to me, but he insists he likes me. A few times he sweetly told me that he thinks about me all of the time and that he felt like he was falling in love. In my straightforward manner, I told him he couldn't possibly fall in love with a stranger, especially one that could be as old as his mom. Maybe he's anti social, maybe he's bored too, but no one is hurting in this situation and I guarantee nothing will come of it.

BB and I spoke last Sunday, and on Monday I went to the Dr. for some swelling and weight gain that was probably due to menopause. She wrote me a prescription and I headed off to my local discount store to get it filled. It's where I get a few other prescriptions taken care of.

As I walked up to the counter, I saw two men standing behind the counter and one looked oddly familiar to me.

"He must have waited on me," I thought to myself. In fact, I know that he had helped me before, but this recognition felt different.

I suddenly thought of BB. Then I remembered RX on his profile.

"There's no way, " I whispered.

Luckily, the other pharmacist decided to help me. BB glanced over at me and our eyes locked for a second. Then he turned and continued counting pills or whatever it was he was doing.

There's a partition by the counter that separates pick up and drop off, so I stood close to the partition, blocking my view. I still wasn't sure if it was BB but I wasn't going to take any chances. It was all too weird for me. Maybe he would think I was stalking him. Maybe he would be embarrassed. I know I was embarrassed. If this guy had been fantasizing that I was some hot, sexy cougar, I just blew his fantasy out of the water. Even though he'd seen my pictures on my profile, my look on this day was swollen, menopausal grandmother.

I looked over at the wall while the man who was waiting on me gathered some information from me. When he asked me my name, I barely whispered it. My heart was pounding in my chest and I wanted to just grab the prescription and dash out of the store. But instead, I kept myself close to the partition. I then noticed on the wall to my right, the names of the pharmacists and their degrees. There, beneath them all, was a large certificate with the words, Pharmacist Technician, B*****B*****.

As soon as I could, I flew out of that store as fast as my bad knees could take me. A few days later BB called me and I realized he was totally unaware that I had seen him and vice versa.

"I wish I could meet you, " he whispered.

Little does he know that we've already met.

Now I'm off to take my medication, rub ben gay on my knees, dye my white roots, and apply anti aging cream to my wrinkles.

Flotsam and jetsam

Graphics

I've only had my personal ad online for about 4 weeks, and although I trying to stay lighthearted about it, it's going to take awhile to sift through the available "fish" that are swimming in the dating pool.

My profile is upbeat, friendly and sincere. I mention the fact that I'm a big girl and I have a picture of me from two years ago where I am about 15 pounds less and one of me now. All of the pictures except one are current and I spent time getting them right! I won't put any old picture on my profile, unlike a lot of people.

I talk about my goals, my hobbies and my personality. I say I want to date and that hopefully, with the right match, it would lead into a long term relationship.

I yammer on and on about my philosophy of life and what I'm looking for, a kind, honest good man.

Yet, the emails I receive make me think that either my account has been hijacked and replaced by a "free sex" ad, or men just look at a picture and don't bother to read the profile.

Here are some examples of some of the emails I've received. Usually it takes the man two emails to get to this point.

• How sensual are you?
• Can I service you?
• Can I send you a picture? (I tell them yes if it's clean. Then they ask when can they send the naked pics.
• Do I have any naked pics?
  
• You either want to get ****** or you don't.
• You have a sexy mouth
• I like your chest
• I like you a lot; can we get married. (???)

There's more, but you get the picture.

I notice there is a pattern also to the men who are looking for sex. I get the most emails on Friday and Saturday night. The men that write on the weekends to me are a lot younger too.
They range in age from 23 up. This was flattering the first few times I was contacted, but now it's annoying. Do young men think that women in their 50s are all cougars? Or do they think we are desperate? Sometimes I think it's a fraternity prank when a young man writes to me. I'm usually a smart ass and tell them I have clothes in my closet older than them.

During the middle of the week is when I get emails from men who seem to be sincere, looking for companionship or a friend. They chit chat about work, restaurants and family. They might send a hug or a kissing smiley face in an email, but they are usually pretty respectful.

But of the several sincere men I've corresponding with, I don't have a connection with any of them yet. At this point, no one intrigues me, fascinates me or makes me want to know them better (except for one nice looking man who lives on the other side of the state) and he is just looking for online friends. I've been on one date so far (although it was more of a meeting than a date). More about that later.

So, it's going to be a long bumpy ride. My skin has thickened already in the past two weeks. I'm glad I'm not taking this too seriously.

If you are reading this and you are married, you might want to give your spouse an extra hug today. The grass on this side of the fence is full of weeds, thorns and grubs.

But, somewhere over here, I'm hoping to find a nice patch of green!

Where do all the single people play?

Back in the 90s when I was between marriages there were many places to go to meet single people. There were single dances on Wednesday, Friday and Saturday nights.

Wednesday night was the "hump" night dance, an activity to distract us from the work week and give us some kind of hope for the weekend. The Saturday night dance was filled with the "left overs" of folks who couldn't find a date. Those dances were the worst.

My friends and I would go to the Friday night dance where 400 other singles gathered. The hall was spacious, the drinks were cheap and the music was top 40 hits. I learned how to do the Hustle and the cha cha slide and lost 80 pounds cause I loved to dance so much. I have some great memories of those dancing days.

Then I met a man and married him, but as I said , that marriage ended in divorce. So when I was ready to get back out in the dating world I discovered that the dances that once were busy with hundreds of men and women, had lost their appeal. The parking lot that used to use a bus to shuttle people back and forth to the door was dotted with 20 or 30 cars.

What had happened over the years to lead to the demise of the Friday night dances? Where did all the single people my age go? Where was I going to dance?

It didn't take me long to figure out that the Internet had replaced the dances. That's where I met my last boyfriend and that's one of the avenues I'm planning on using to date this time.

When I tell people I have a personal ad their eyebrows usually go up and then I have to hear a lecture on being safe, the Craig's list killer, and the latest horror stories of 13 year olds meeting up with old married men. I then have to spend 10 minutes reassuring them that I'm not stupid.

For some reason people assume if you meet someone online that they come with some type of tainted goods tag yet people meet people in bars, restaurants, school and work all of the time. What makes that type of meeting any safer? I could sit next to a male co-worker for a year and not really know him. I know the rules for internet dating: get to know them, meet in a busy location, tell a friend about the meeting beforehand, and use common sense.


I just recently discovered that the one dating site I belong too has "get togethers". I've signed up for two so far. The first is a hay ride and barn dance. The great thing about is that most of the people are in their 40s and 50s, so I should fit right in. The other activity is a bar night. I might go to it, I'm not sure yet.

There are also "meet ups" that a person can find in their area. People meet up for dinner or the movies. Here's a link to their website. Meet Up Type in your interest and area and if there are meet ups that are similar to that interest you can either join or get on a waiting list.

There are a few single dances left in this area also. I plan on blogging about those in the future.

One of the reasons I have to be so proactive about this adventure is that most of my friends are either younger, married or in a relationship. So, I'm basically alone when it comes to venturing out as a single woman. Even though I'm not afraid to go alone, it would be great to have a female comrade to go along with. Hopefully, I'll be able to meet some single women and make friends with them too.
Although there is something to be said about going it alone. “The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.” Henry David Thoreau